I remember looking at my home economics teacher’s middle finger back in ‘03 and thinking to myself, ‘one day it’s going to be my turn’, many times passed that I pray for the day when someone is going to ask for my hand in marriage and do it by putting a ring on it. Damn! I was so obsessed with rings that at 18 I had started surfing the internet for the perfect ring and considering my not-so-beautiful tiny fingers I got from my dad (*rme*) I had to get the big rock to compliment it and make people forget how not beautiful they are when they glance at it.
Marriage has been on my mind sine my first relationship and somehow it has been a good thing but mostly a bad idea because it clouds your judgement of what the perfect imperfect man is. This thought runs through every girl’s mind (you can’t deny it :p); even the few of us who see ourselves as “miss independent” and act like we don’t need men. On the contrary, we are the ones who fall victim, our sense of independence and lack of exposure to the man-world leaves us vulnerable to even the dumbest guy who plays the you-need-me card, we fall and the get used and dumped! Some of them come back for a recycle process and yet again we hear the plead and go back to the vomit we swore not to perceive let alone swallow. All these with the believe that we don’t know who the perfect imperfect man is.
From the big rock to the moderate colourful rings and the bands, my taste for rings has changed faster than my change of boyfriend or choice of men, because they say the end justifies the means. You believe more in the wedding ceremony, the mode of proposal, the pre-wedding pictures and the capability of the man to take care of your needs rather than the package (man) itself.
I once asked a friend of mine who is now engaged to her boyfriend of 7years, at the time I asked her about how she managed to keep her man from the world of desperate girls and coping with whether he cheats or not, she said something that didn’t sink at the time; “you cannot keep your man from the outside world nor can you stop him from cheating, if he already does all these, you can’t stop him. You don’t tell a man you are deserving of him, it is he who says so and then makes it worthy”. (Her exact words from bbm chat extract). I demanded a better explanation which points to the fact that, though a lot of girls choose everything and the way they want their wedding to be but it’s the man that decides when they marry and what the home will look like.
I went back to the many books I have read on marriage and relationship or even love, they all say the same; you cannot matter to a man who does not have a life that matters to him– M!.it is after a man feels fulfilled that he thinks of sharing it with a particular woman, it is then he analyse the one(s) he has on ground or has to scout all over, A fulfilled man is not a function of his bank account or position at work, the level of fulfillment or satisfaction is (Hu)man dependent, which no one can measure except the (Hu)man himself.
It is true that a lot of relationships have survived long distance, some have come as far as 10 years, a lot have broken barriers of marriage, tribe, ethnic morals, socio-cultural believes and the likes and it is even more true that many people have met via the internet and are having the best marriage/union now, I particularly know of a couple of 6 years with 2 kids who actually met via Facebook. There are other stories everywhere of how people meet and have the best or worst unions, the result of your union is not a function of how you met, where you met or how long you have been together, a couple of people meet and decide to be together for the rest of their in 3 months or even less. Yes, it does happen and happens well (miracle, maybe). Yes these are big factors but they are coupled with many other things like especially; if you are even meant for each other.
Unfortunately, we have been left with the puzzle to find ‘the one’ without any physical mark on anybody’s forehead, the fear of unknown has made it even more interesting and adventurous that even after a man asks for your hand in marriage you are still doubtful of his motive and intention.
I have asked over 10 people in the last one week about “how did you know your husband was the one or your wife was the one?” I have been unable to get different answers other than, “you just know it” How do you just know? How can you differentiate it from the ones you have had in the past that you thought you know? Well, maybe you pray but when do you separate the miracles from the warning signs?
Which brings about the questions; is it how far you have come or how well you have been? Does he have to pop the question via a ring or you just decide and go ahead with the ceremony? Is it dependent on age (being in this part of the world) or a function of your status? What exactly is the pointer to decide to be with someone for the rest of your life (short or long )?
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